Tuesday, January 26, 2010

i guess life is what u make of it. what i dont understand is how ppl have oppurtunitys and dont take them. like right now i realized i fucked up alot over the past yr and grown so much at the same time. i mean im not perfect ill b the first to tell u. the thing with this i cant blame anyone but myself. i try to blame it on something or someone but im realizing i have to be held accountable for my own actions. in the end my life is my own story. o think ill b on here more often because i have alot built up i just cant let it out. so be on the lookout for me post

ur forgiven

so they say time heals all, i guess ur right but i think its more like you kinda forget and just live. how do u do this if everything reminds you of them or etc. i mean like who would of thought i could carry such feelings as these after all this was done? shit i didnt even think i could, i prayed and i forgave so im sitting here thinking about friendship....how can i possible have any kind of relationship with this person? hmmm i never said i would forget i just said i have forgiven. they say this is dumb that im doing this but i have to do this for me, not because the fact i hold hatred or anything just because its a relief to me while at the same time a burden. they are next to me i shake hmm not because the reasons most pppl would think so i keep it inside. everyday for over a year and it ended like this. crazy? that persons friend who witnessed it all i ignored but how can i wen i dont really hold a grudge. time healed my wounds but theyre still not all the way hidden. i dont wana c u punished but in that same note i totally do. how caould u have done this....done this to me? i mean really to me? i guess i wana b able to share my story that strength and God is all u need for things like this. i want to b able to say HI! but deep down inside i know its not the right time. i want to walk up to u and say " honestly i forgive u this sisnt about u but more about me" i wana laugh again at ur cornyness i wana do so much but i cant i cant do any of this because i havent yet lived so yes time healed my wounds but life buries it...well atleast i think so. i mean i been in situations where people were taken out of my life and it hurt i dodnt show it but it hurt like hell. yes time healed it but because i just kept living it made it so much easier to forget it. bad choice of words because i would never want to forget them and i never will but u know what i mean. im so confused because i willl never hate u and i realized that cuz even after this u still bring a smile to my face. how can i possibly do this to u? well the thing is i was told "leave it in God's hands and you will be okay" i have and all i want u to know is even at ur worse i was there and wen u turned half way to ur best u left me standing there. not only was i mentally destroyed but that day it was physically,emotionally and mentally broken down into someone i should have never been. but as i say u live and u learn. dont take this the wrong way this was the best thing that happened to me. i will always love u and now u kno ur forgiven :)