girly ways

So alots been on the brain, and been needing to let some of these feelings out and remembered i had a blog site that i never used lol. So the truth is alot is going on, no not all bad just situations i guess im putting myself in. Any who so i usually have this mind like a guy i mean, my friends be like damn you think like a nigga, but thats until i guess you can say i catch feelings and then im a girl again lol. Im guessing i have mu guyish ways is because i have an older brother who i learned from and a lot of other experiences i went through myself,heard about and/or seen. But back to the main reason for this blog is im stuck in about two situations; one being school like why am i fucking around when i know my future is at stake, like no im not out acting dumb and shit im just not giving it my full attention and then its the boy thing. Like why am i letting myself fall into this place of vulnerability? the sad thing is im seeing bad signs, but my feelings are still there. All messed up right? well when its been forever since you felt this way its kinda cool,but then all bad when its bad signs...He's really not even my type but something about him has me in this situation so im stuck with the question why on my mind alot lately...have you ever just sat there and wondered why and could never come up with the answer? well thats how i am right now and i really should just be focusing on school work, so at the end of the day i guess i am just try my best to just let go of this and go back to my player days lmao and focus on school